(here’s a random picture just because)
It’s hard to believe I just started back on this journey less than 4 weeks ago. I remember going to bed Sunday night (01/05) telling Bex I’d finally figured it out!! She was like ‘what?’ … I replied ‘What I’m suppose to do … with my life!!’
I’ve always had this feeling that I just wanted to be good at being myself. Sounds weird I know but it’s the truth. From my early teens (actually a lot earlier than that) I felt like I wanted to do something great and something different so when people asked me what I wanted to be I really didn’t know. Because what I felt in my heart didn’t translate to a ‘job description’ or title, so I would just say ‘I don’t know’.
Over time I started noticing that people who told me what they wanted to do started changing careers. I didn’t pay too much attention to it but often wondered why they had spent so much time studying and training in a particular field only to move completely away from it. I know now that it was most likely because they realized it was not where their true passion was and I respect them for having the awareness and guts to pursue other things.
The thing for me is that in 2009 I started following my passion. I quit my job knowing that I wanted to do something creative and I’d just have a go. Long story short I was on the right path but I was too focused on trying to monetize any and everything I did that I lost focus of the passion and did things only for money which lead me to being unhappy.
I know now that in order to do something you love it has to be the thing you truly desire and would do every single day for free. Oh and that you should definitely keep your day job – at least for the meantime until you get to a stage where the content you are producing brings in a return. But don’t let the potential of making money be the focus. That’s why it’s important to make sure it’s a passion project first by understanding what it is that you truly LOVE doing.
That was difficult for me because honestly – I’m good at pretty much everything I do and have ever done. Just ask my mum – she’ll tell you the truth.
So when it came to finding something I was passionate about I would just choose something I was good at because I thought it was a passion. But just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean it’s a passion. I had a hard time distinguishing the difference.
I realized the thing I’m most passionate is that I love helping people. I’ve always thought that loving something meant you would happily do something with a smile on your face and a fulfilment in your heart each time. As it turns out, in my case anyway is that it’s not quite like that.
I love to help people – yes, but I’m not always thinking to myself ‘yes this makes me happy’. An example would be that I’ve opened up my home to a lot of people to give them a chance at doing something different. I’ve actually done it since I was 17yrs old and started flatting. I tried to get my sister to let my niece come and live with me because at the time her home environment wasn’t healthy and my niece was like a little sister to me and I felt obligated to try and give her a better living situation. At the time I was only 22, living on my own in Auckland in a really nice 2 bedroom apartment in Te Atatu Peninsula (yeah check that place on Google maps – it’s blown up and super expensive). I could barely afford to live there but I moved there because I wanted my niece to have a safe home and community to live in.
Was it the smartest move? Probably not. You see I was 22yrs old and about to hit my prime in pimpin’ at the clubs, partying and just being a typical guy. What business did I have trying to support a young girl, pay for her schooling and all the other things that go along with it? But was I willing to do it? Fuck yeah I was.
In the end my niece only stayed for a holiday and although I’m not sure why she didn’t end up living with me – my niece said she wanted to but my sister said that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings by saying she didn’t. Anyway, that was merely one of the many attempts I’ve offered to help people and have it blow up in my face. And yet …. I still continue to do it. Crazy huh? I think so.
But this is it. I’m compelled to do it, I’m compelled to help people even when I know it’s not going to benefit me as such and often come at a large financial expense. So as I told Bex ‘Why the fuck do I always do this shit? We got enough on our plate and then BJ goes and offers to help another person and another’ … Neat alright.
Inside it does make me feel good to at least offer and a lot of the time grateful if people turn me down 
but that’s who I am. I’m obligated to help people if I think I can. But why? I always think it’s because if I were in that situation I’d like to know that someone would help me.
Because I was good at most things in my life I always found myself sharing my knowledge because it was a good feeling (not to brag) but a good feeling to know you could help someone up and then they may learn something to get them to the next level and help you up with them.
To be fair I can’t think of many times that I have received that feeling except when it comes to my boys which are a small group and also make up my entire grooms party come to think of it.
So … what’s my purpose and what do I want to do with my life?
I can whole heartedly say I JUST WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. And I’m going to do it in any form, on any platform, in any possible way I can – for the rest of my life. But is that a business? Is it something I can make money from? Fuck yeah I can! If you’re great at anything and I mean GREAT, you’re the person people associate with any given field as being the BEST – you can make money. But it’s important to know that you shouldn’t make it about money – ever.
So I’ll continue to do it either way and just focus on being a good cunt to people who need it and a straight up, right between the eyes, cold, hard truth cunt for people that need it too. (oh you thought it would be all smiles and laughter? Some people need help by being faced with the truth – but just remember it’s because I care )
So what is it that you’re passionate about? What do you constantly think about or do or follow or ask about? If you are one of the fortunate ones to know what your passion is then go do it. Stop doing things you hate because you can lose just as much money being happy as hell!! (think about that)
Do something because you love it, not because it has a title and it’s easier for people to understand. Fuck what people understand or don’t (Fuck people? … coming from the guy that just wants to help people – but I told you it’s different with me)
Find your passion and DO THAT. Please it’s important to me as well.
